Drunken Declarations
by SheynaLew
Summary: Set after season 8, during 9 and 10 and onwards. Jack tells her he loves her all the time. He’s waited for years to able to say the words aloud. And it kills him a little bit that Sam can’t do the same without a little alcohol to relax her.
1. Drunken Declarations

**Notes**

 **I have yet to decide whether this is the only chapter, or whether the story continues. For now it's the only one. It is un-beta-ed and a little spontaneous so please let me know if you spot any glaring errors. Set after season 8 ends and probably during season 10 onwards. And in no way related to my fic "I Love You".**

It bothered him that she would only say it when she was drunk. Sure she showed him all the time. In the way she grabbed his hand and pulled him over for a kiss. In the way she 'cooked' him dinner when he'd had a rough day, even though her cooking always resulted in him picking up a pizza. In the way she curled up to him at night, tight, like she was going to lose him. But it bothered him that she wouldn't say "I love you" without a drink first.

He'd thought, at first, that she didn't say it because he'd said it too soon. After all, he'd said it the first time he'd kissed her. Well... not strictly the first time. But the first time he'd kissed her when he was allowed to, when the frat regs weren't in the way. She'd looked up at him, shocked, frozen. Deer in the headlights came to mind. He hadn't pushed it. He'd actively changed the subject when he saw how uncomfortable she'd become.

Then he thought she didn't say it because she didn't feel it. He'd waited longer this time. Til after they'd slept together, til she'd started moving some of of her things into his apartment in Washington when she thought he wouldn't notice. Things like a spare toothbrush, a week's supply of underwear, and the brand of dried pasta she liked that appeared mysteriously in his cupboard one day. He'd cooked it for her with her favourite sauce, lit some candles, poured her favourite wine, and told her again that he loved her. She'd clearly sensed it coming because she'd shovelled the pasta into her mouth so quickly when he started speaking, giving herself a good excuse not to answer, to mumble something with her mouth full instead. He hadn't pushed it. The awkwardness had dissipated a little, but she hadn't stayed over that night. Had gone back to her hotel with excuses of an early morning flight.

It took a poker night at the cabin with Teal'c, Daniel, Vala and Cam, and a lot of beer before he finally heard the words come out of her lips, confidently, loudly enough for the others to hear and as if she said them all the time. He was torn with how to respond. Part of him, a petty part that he tried to pretend didn't exist; wanted to ignore it and brush her off; the same way she had with him all those times before. Part of him wanted to pull her to him, kiss her passionately and drag her back to their bedroom. The part that won told her softly that he loved her too.

The second time she'd told him had been at a ceremony, though he couldn't remember who or what it was for. They were in dress blues, in Washington, but they'd agreed to get a cab back to his apartment so they could both have a drink. She'd had one too many glasses of champagne, and in the cab she'd flung her arms around him, kissed him on the cheek, and with a sparkle in her eyes told him in no uncertain terms that he was the only man for her and she had loved him for almost 10 years. He'd decided after the first time that he wasn't going to make a big deal out of it if she ever said it again. But it was hard not grin like an idiot or tell the cab driver to step on it so he could get her back to the apartment and do all manner of things to her. Instead he grinned, kissed her hand and said he'd loved her for that long too.

It took a few more drunken declarations for him to notice the pattern. She wasn't saying something untrue, as people so often did when they were inebriated. She wasn't even slurring when she said it. He suspected he knew why she was doing it. For all the ease with which she kissed him, made love to him, slotted perfectly into his life like a jigsaw piece that had been missing for years, saying those three simple words still felt like breaking the rules. They'd pushed the boundaries of the regulations, skirted the edges of what was allowed and not, so many times in the year they'd known each other. Yet saying "I love you" was still taboo to her. And whilst it came easily to him, he didn't want to force the issue. So instead he found excuses to drink wine or beer with her. He knew it probably wasn't healthy, physically or emotionally, to allow her to depend on alcohol just to tell him how she felt. But dammit, he'd waited ten years. He wanted to hear her say it.


	2. Clear-Headed Confessions

**Author's Notes -** This is the second part of 'Drunken Declarations'. I hope you enjoy!

* * *

She didn't know why it had taken so long to say "I love you" to Jack. It certainly wasn't as though she didn't feel it; hell she'd felt it for most of their working relationship. And yet, when she finally had the chance, she simply couldn't get the words out.

She'd said it to Janet, before Janet had died, before their careers had permitted them to be together. They sat up late one night in Janet's kitchen, talking about the future, about Cassie and whether Daniel was really gone. Janet had brought up Daniel.

"I think I could have loved him, you know, Sam?" She'd confessed.

Sam had smiled sadly, held her friend's hand and tried to convince them both he'd be back.

"It must be harder for you though." It had been a statement not a question. Janet hadn't even said Jack's name; made no reference to the complexity of his relationship with Sam. But Sam knew what she meant.

"Harder than not knowing if the man you might love is dead or alive, or actually coming back?" Sam had tried to joke, but the topic of Daniel's ascension wasn't overly amusing.

"You do love him then?"

Sam knew she had walked straight into that one. She had stared at Janet for a moment. Despite being her closest friend, she was still military. She would never betray Sam's confidence, yet coming clean when their careers were so set against what she wanted to say wasn't easy. But, in the end, it was Janet.

"Yes. I love him."

Janet had taken her hand too and promised that it would work out in the end. It had, of course. They'd left the SGC, she'd briefly not been under his command, and the instant they could they'd jumped into a relationship.

But Janet wasn't there to talk to anymore. That part hadn't turned out ok. Sam didn't even know if she and Daniel had had their chance at telling each other how they felt. It was thoughts like that that made Sam wish, desperately, that she could express her feelings for Jack more easily. Janet had been snatched away from them so unexpectedly, yet at the same time, in their line of work, the same could so easily happen to Sam. And then, Sam thought, would Jack really know how she felt? Would he assume she didn't because she only seemed capable of saying it when she was drunk? Or did he understand her, as she hoped he did, and knew that she'd had it so ingrained in her that this romance of theirs was wrong that she struggled to be honest about her feelings? Beyond that, would he realise that her past relationships still haunted her sometimes, and saying "I love you" was an admission of her own weakness now?

She thought of Janet again. How she would have told her that Jack was neither Jonas nor Pete. That she was hurting him by refusing to give him what he needed and deserved to hear; the truth, that she loved him. That made her mind up. Janet may not be here, but she was certainly still a positive influence in Sam's life.

Sam put her coffee mug down on the counter, and lifted her wrist in front of her face. 04:07. He'd be getting up in under an hour any way.

She slid off the breakfast stool and padded barefoot, silently to his room. She'd left the door open a little so as not to wake him up with the noise. She pushed it open lightly and carefully climbed back into bed. As she turned onto her side his eyes opened. Not slowly, or blinking back sleep; he was awake already.

"You ok Sam?" He asked, reaching for her hand.

She smiled, suddenly overcome with a swell of affection. "Yes. Jack?"

"What?" He looked worried and she wondered what he was thinking.

"I love you. I just wanted you to know that, ok?"

He smiled, a wide grin, pulled her to him and kissed her passionately. When they broke apart his grin was a little cheekier.

"I know."


End file.
